TM Catch-Up: Heart's Desire/Trading Lives
Note: The point of view I’ve chosen to take for this ficlet is somewhat… different. You’ll see what I mean. ;)

Additionally, this ficlet stands as a joint answer to the following two questions:

If you could trade lives with one person for a day, who would it be, and what would you do?

and

Think about something you once wanted so badly but never acquired. Write about how you think your life would’ve been different if you had received what your heart desired.

Transference

I am an anthropologist- an historian. I wrote my doctoral dissertation on the Narn followers of the prophet G’Kar. I have spent the better part of the past ten years studying the Narn and Centauri both. They are tied together, these civilizations. I discovered very early on that one could not study one without being led to the other. The existing records on the personal life of the Centauri emperor who reigned immediately before the Restoration even point to a possible sexual relationship with the Narn’s greatest prophet- but I learned quickly never to mention such possibilities aloud in the field.

You have asked me, Nathan, to describe my most moving experience in the past decade. I will tell you of a Centauri girl I met very early in my career- a member of a sect which reveres Cotto I, the first emperor of the Restoration, as a god of love.

One night, as I sat gazing at the stars on the banks of the Edro River, I asked the young Liliana, who had always been patient with my naiveté and endless questions, to explain to me why the Centauri had two deities in their pantheon who represented the concept of love. Liliana smiled, leaned back amidst the river reeds, and said:

“There is a legend among our people that may help you to understand.”

As Liliana’s people tell it, two thousand years ago, when the god Vir Cotto lived in flesh and blood, he discovered that Emperor Mollari, his mentor and the calling of his heart, had been possessed by a demon. On the night of his discovery, as he wept for the soul of his greatest friend, he was visited by the goddess Alur.

Cotto, who was uncertain in his belief- and even more uncertain that he was deserving- sank to the floor in confusion and awe. And Alur told him that the gods had seen his suffering and had grieved for it- but had also rejoiced, for it was clear that Cotto was profoundly brave and profoundly kind.

On that night, the goddess Alur offered Cotto his heart’s desire. “Whatever you ask, we shall grant, for we have seen the true nature of your soul and know that it is good.”

Cotto wiped his eyes, bowed his head, and said: “There is only one thing I truly desire. I wish to swallow my friend’s demon into myself and leave him to his freedom.”

“What you ask,” Alur replied, “is an honorable sacrifice, but it is one we cannot give for more than the time between sunrises. His future and yours have been written in the stars and cannot be altered. But if this is truly your desire, go to your friend after the morning meal and grant him his freedom for the one day we can provide.”

The following morning, Cotto came to the palace and asked for an audience with the emperor. Seized with terror of the demon’s retribution, Mollari refused Cotto entry that morning and the following four mornings thereafter. But Cotto did not relent, and in time, the strength of his devotion was rewarded.

When he entered the throne room on the sixth morning, Cotto looked upon his friend and almost cried in despair for his new knowledge. But holding firmly to his purpose, he approached Mollari until he could touch the brocade of his ceremonial white.

“Your burdens are grave,” Cotto said, “and I cannot carry them for you. But I can grant you a reprieve for a time, however brief. Use it, my dear friend.”

Cotto touched his forehead to Mollari’s, and in a flash of brilliant light, he felt himself change. He felt the ache of his friend’s joints and the heaviness of his chest. He felt the cruel presence of the demon. And at once, he felt pain, for the imprisoned Mollari had escaped and the demon was wroth. Mollari stared at him in horror through Cotto’s own eyes and begged him to reconsider.

“The gods will carry me as I have pledged to carry you for the remainder of my days,” Cotto gasped. “Go now and be free.”

“And until the next sunrise,” Liliana finished that night among the reeds, “Cotto bore his friend’s burden through a transference of souls- and the gods themselves guarded the lives of both, holding the demon at bay.” Then she sat up and looked me in the eye. “There are many different kinds of love, Dr. Wallace. One day, I should also tell you the story of the eye of Li.”

I had many questions then. I wondered, for instance, why, if this legend carried with it the hint of truth, Mollari did not take such an opportunity to strike at the Drakh and end the terrible Dark Age. But something in Liliana’s eyes stilled my tongue.

As scholars, Nathan, we have a duty to the truth of things. But we must never forget the power of legends to inspire. Two years later, I learned that Liliana had died in a shuttle accident- that she had offered her seat in a lifepod to someone else.